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Real estate agent jokes, our sick way of poking fun at our beloved profession Halifax Local Time 3/10/2010 12:43:18 PM |
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Welcome to our real estate joke page, where uncensored real estate agent "comments" are always welcome.
Please refrain from using this micro-page if you feel it to be offensive in any way.
If you wish to contribute a real estate agent joke to www.menno.ca, please send us one at menno@menno.ca and we'll even give you credit (in case you want that). Other than that, all is fair so here we go:
| Q: How do you make a real estate agent’s car run 50% quieter? |
| A: Put some duct tape over his or her mouth. |
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This drunk staggers in on a busy convention of real estate agents.
He's ready to stir up some trouble. Swaying his bottle, he exclaims: all real estate agents are crooks! A fine gentleman takes exception to the drunk's remarks and reproaches him. Without missing a beat, the drunk sneers: Ah, you're offended, are ya? You must be one of them real estate agents then. The fine gentleman leans over to the drunk and confides: no, actually I am a crook. |
| My agent was always smiling. |
| I don't think anybody could have that many teeth without being a barracuda. |
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REAL Estate agent JOKES Q: What's wrong with real estate agent jokes? |
| A: Real estate agents don't think they're funny, and nobody else thinks they're jokes. |
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Professional
courtesy Q: When a real estate agent jumps into shark-infested waters, why is it that the sharks won't attack the real estate agent? |
| A: That's a true example of professional courtesy. |
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Weapons Q: Why are real estate agents like nuclear weapons? |
| A: Because once released, they can't be recalled. |
| FSBO |
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Sign next to "FSBO": We shoot every third agent and the second one just left. |
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Greetings Q: How do real estate agents greet each other? |
| "Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you." |
| Q: Do you know how to save a drowning real estate agent? |
| A: No? Good! |
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submitted by H. Schwartz, Toronto |
| Q: What did the robber tell the police about his real estate agent hostages? |
| A: If he didn't get what he wanted he would release one every hour. |
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10,000 real estate agents - What’s 10,000 real estate agents at the bottom of the ocean? |
| A good start. |
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Greed or what |
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A
real estate agent was driving his big Lexus down the highway, singing to
himself, "I love my Lexus, I love my Lexus." Focusing on his car,
not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived,
but his car was totaled. "My Lexus! My Lexus!" he sobbed. A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!" The real estate agent, horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!" |
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More or less greed |
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An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to
take some of his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor
and his real estate agent to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by
each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I
can take all my money with me." At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had only put $20,000 into the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery." "Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000." The real estate agent was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal cheque for the full $30,000." |
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10,000 real estate agents - What’s 10,000 real estate agents at the bottom of the ocean? |
| A good start. |
| Q: How can you tell a real estate agent is lying? |
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A: His lips are moving. |
| Q: What's the difference between God and a Real estate agent? |
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A: God doesn't think he's a Real estate agent. |
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Submitted by Peter Bates, Vancouver |
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Homesickness |
| What you feel every month just before the mortgage payment is due. |
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Q: This Cadillac, full of real estate agents, goes off the cliff. Four dead. |
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What’s wrong with that picture? A: Car holds five. |
| COLD! |
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It must have been pretty cold out this morning ‘cause I spotted a real estate agent with his hands in his own pockets. |
| How many agents does it take to change a light bulb? |
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20 agents will go by and take a note that it’s out. |
| (Again) How many real estate agents does it take to change a light bulb? |
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One to hold the bulb whilst the rest of the world turns around him/her. |
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Submitted anonymously |
| IDEAL WEIGHT |
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Q: What is the ideal weight of a real estate agent? A: About three pounds, including the urn. |
| STAMP RECALL |
| The Post Office just recalled their latest stamps. They had pictures of real estate agents on them, and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. |
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Gratitude to real estate agent |
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"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to the real
estate agent, after the
listing had sold with great difficulty. "My dear woman," the real estate agent replied, "ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question." |
| VULTURES |
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Q: What's the difference between a real estate agent and a vulture? A: The real estate agent gets frequent flyer miles. |
| About firing a real estate agent: |
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Broker, to four of his agents: "I'm really sorry, but
I'm going to have to let one of you go." |
| Modest Real estate agent |
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Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, modest and courteous person at
a convention of Real estate agents? A: The caterer. |
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Submitted anonymously |
| TOXIC WASTE |
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Q: Why does Ontario have the most real estate agents in the country while Nova
Scotia has the most toxic waste sites? A: Nova Scotia got first choice. |
| BIRTH CONTROL |
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Q: What do real estate agents use for birth control? A: Their personalities |
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Submitted anonymously |
| Death of a real estate agent |
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Q: What do real estate agents do after they die? A: They lie still. |
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Submitted anonymously |
| There's room for more real estate agent jokes here ... send yours to menno@menno.ca - no offence taken! |
Just like only Newfoundlanders should be allowed to make jokes about
Newfoundland peculiarities;
And just like only Dutch people should make certain remarks about
themselves;
And just because only people of a certain gender should make jokes about
their own gender;
It is in that pattern of thought that we are comfortable making jokes about ourselves and only about ourselves. There is absolutely no intention to offend any person in particular or to discredit others. Please refrain from using this micro-page if you feel it to be offensive in any way. Please accept our apology if any sensitivity appears to have been triggered and please do not hesitate to inform us of necessary changes if you feel that would substantially improve this page.
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